Life repeats itself until we learn our lessons to change our path

"Time is the substance from which I am made. Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire."

Recently my life has been turned upside down and found my self everyday feeling like I am in lack of time, feeling like I am on a road I don't know where it is leading and I don't know if I want to be on it, yet feeling like I don't have control over anything in my life anymore. And I tried to remain still and just wait for things to settle and I did wait for a while for things to be getting better, but they appeared to be getting only worse and I panicked and in panic I only made things even worse.

We all have our fears, past experiences, hopes and dreams, we are the sum of our decisions and all these. Looking back at my life I will not lie and say everything was always good and beautiful and easy, I always had very difficult periods of time and after that an even more beautiful period came. That is life, it is a spiral and good periods will always be followed by hard periods and then even more beautiful moments and then even more difficult moments and so on. So realizing this, it is good to look at you in the hard moments.

I will admit, I panic sometimes mostly because I fear repeating old mistakes and I let go very hard and I get scared seeing patterns of wrong behavior in me and others, and something in me screams 'Stop, we need to stop and start being aware of everything we say and do'. And then I look around me and I feel that it is almost impossible, it takes so much work and it is hard and we are in a rush.

We could choose to ignore the difficult times and just say I choose happiness, I let go and just choose to be happy. But isn't that just choosing to not change? Isn't that choosing to ignore the pain? Isn't that putting all your pain in a box, buried deep? What if someone else finds it? What if that someone is even you? You get scared and try to run away but everywhere around you, you still see the same thing, some kind of un-handled pain, reminding you of your un-handled pain and you run away some more but you seem to not find any place where you can just say I am ok, I can rest now, I trust tomorrow will be better.

Sometimes you just need to stop and be with your pain, accept it, take it in and say I don't ignore you anymore, you are right to exist and I thank you for reminding me I am not going in the right direction.

And sometimes it's ok to let go of control, be aware and take control over when it is your turn. Until then just accept, be and do whatever possible to make the time of chaos better, simple, happier.

Even if sometimes it means releasing some of your pain so others know it. It is ok to ask for help, to say it is hard for me right now, I have a difficult period and I don't know how to make it better and it is ok for others to help and be there for you, even when you are in pain. Pain does not make us less strong, it just makes us human.